Graduation Etiquette
Is a gift a must?
If you’re invited to the ceremony or
are attending the party, send or bring a gift.
What to select?
Many families see graduation as a rite
of passage and celebration worthy. Some parents splurge on a car
or computer. Others choose to give gifts that last such as
books, stock certificates, luggage, a camera, or jewelry which
are all presents the graduate will still appreciate in the years
ahead. Flowers are also a thoughtful choice—it’s tradition to
present the graduate with a corsage or boutonnière prior to the
graduation ceremony, or a bouquet of flowers afterwards. If you
can’t be there in person for graduation celebrations, a bouquet
or arrangement delivered to the graduate’s home let’s her know
that you are there in spirit.
When to give?
Near or on the day of graduation.
How should the gift be delivered?
Mail it or drop it off in person.
Graduation Gift Etiquette Myth
People who receive graduation
announcements must send a gift. Announcements do not equal
invitations. You are not obligated to give a gift, although you
may choose to do so. Whether or not you send a present, a card
or note of congratulations is always appreciated.
Invitations to graduation ceremony
Q. We are only
allotted six invitations to my son’s high school graduation
ceremony. How should I break the news to close family members
that they will not be able to attend? Certainly, it’s acceptable
for me to invite them to the party even though they cannot
attend the graduation?
A. This is a common
dilemma during graduation season. Explain the situation to
relatives. Most will be understanding. Devise some kind of
plan—perhaps draw names out of a hat. Or, invite one member from
each set of grandparents to attend. “Mom, we’ll only receive six
invitations to Matt’s graduation. Jack, Susan, Bill and I are
going for sure, so we’ll have to decide who gets the other two
tickets. It’s an awkward situation. We’re thinking of just
drawing names out of a hat. Or do you think Dad would be willing
to stay home so that you and Jack’s mother could attend?” Invite
everyone to attend the party after graduation and be sure to
share all of the pictures.
Getting Grads to Write Thank-you Notes
Q. I want my teenage
son to send thank-you notes for his graduation gifts, but he
thinks it’s unnecessary and old-fashioned. How do I get him to
write the notes?
A. Appeal to your
son’s empathy. Ask him how he’d feel if he had put effort into
choosing a gift for someone and never received a response. You
can also remind him that those who feel unappreciated may stop
sending gifts. A hand-written note is warmer than e-mail, so
make it easier by providing him with the tools: stationery,
stamps, etc. And be a good role model. Say, “How about we both
sit down tonight and work on note writing?”
The Graduation Party Guest List
Q. I want to throw my
son a high-school graduation party and invite his friends and
our relatives. But I’m concerned his 18-year-old buddies might
get rowdy and upset the aunts and uncles. Do I:
-
Throw two parties.
-
Invite everyone. And if family
doesn’t like the atmosphere, they can always leave.
-
Explain to my son beforehand that
even though it’s his party, he and his friends must remain
well-behaved.
Correct Answer: (3)
High-school graduation is an exciting time for teens and
parents, so there’s no reason why your relatives and son’s
friends can’t celebrate together. Get your son involved in the
party planning: Let him send the invitations and plan the menu.
If you’re concerned about the behavior of your son and his
friends, discuss this with him—ahead of time. Your son should
already know the polite behavior you expect, and you should
already know most of his friends. Keep your conversation
positive, but make sure you cover the potential problems, such
as noise level and inappropriate activities. Also, be sure that
no alcoholic beverages are served to minors.
BY
THE EMILY POST INSTITUTE
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